Exceptionally Exceptional...

When we were teenagers, all we wanted was to fit in with the norm or to fit in with those who rebelled against the norm. Now as adults, we just want to be happy with who we are. But what if who we are is not who we really could be? Ok, let me ask that in a different way. Yeah, what if we could be much more?

What if we could stretch and reach our real potential to be great? And heaven forbid, what if we were outstanding? Does that sound like too much work?

Believe it or not, there are simple steps to being exceptional and extraordinary (I've always wondered about this word, isn't extra helpings of ordinary just more of ordinary? But let's not digress). Seriously, in researching mega successful and happy people, neuroscientists and social scientists have found one thing these extraordinary people have in common: They think differently from the norm. So how do they do this?

There are studies that suggest three steps to thinking differently. Yes, only three, but they have to be combined together. First is to practice thinking outside the box, second is to be aware and control your fears, and the third is to be socially intelligent.

The practice of thinking outside the box requires seemingly silly but effective exercises that stretch your perception to be more creative and for your mind to be more fluid. Wrestle with a few here. If a shark and a tiger got into a fight, who would win? Why? If your name is Thomas, would you be wearing a blue or brown jumper? Why? If you could fly where would you go and what would you do? Essentially, force your mind to change how you see things by making your brain work harder by looking at new things and being in new places in a different way. For example, travel to a new place near or far and be open to do new things and meet new people.

The fear factor is what keeps most of us from moving from here to there. So I ask you.What would you do if you had no fears? Make this list and see how you feel about doing the things on your list anyway. What if you took a risk, what would happen? Are you avoiding the risk because you might fail or you might look goofy? And what if you did fail? And what if you did look goofy? What if you knew everyone has the same fears as you do? Are you using your fear as a tool to procrastinate? Be aware of your fears and talk them down.

Being socially intelligent is the vital component that binds together the three steps to extraordinary thinking because it requires you to be open. It is not the same as being social or having the ability to socialise, it is about truly understanding, interacting eloquently with others without judgment or self interest. Essentially, it 's knowing how to be mindful of others and aware of how you impact or come across to them. Most people are busy being more self-focused and not other-focused. If you are mostly interested in your own wellbeing, considering only your ego, comparing yourself to others, being right, befriending people if they have the potential to be useful to you and worrying if others like you or not, you are self-focused.

Social intelligence is based on emotional intelligence where you are self aware and personally evolved and then taking that to the interpersonal level. You are someone who thinks above the neck and feels below the neck, not someone who feels from the neck up where you know your feelings but are unable to really experience your emotions. Hence, you are able to empathise with the complexities of other people 's experiences because you are aware of the full range of emotions and you are able to separate what is theirs and what is yours. Then you are able to listen to their needs and wants and fully recognise that most of the time, it 's really not about you.

It 's as simple as that, if you want to be successful and outstanding, practise thinking differently by thinking outside the box, learning to control your fears and being socially wise. Remember, for best results, combine these three into daily habits.

Sources

Gregory Berns (2008) Iconoclast: A Neuroscientist Reveals How To Think Differently. Harvard University Press

Daniel Goleman (2007) Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Arrow Books Ltd.