Stressed?

Recognise it. Manage it.

Every day more and more people seem to be suffering from 'stress' related illnesses. So what can you do, to avoid becoming another stress statistic? Once you have read this piece, take the stress test.

In this article, I will explain what stress actually is and help you to recognise your own stress indicators. I will also share some useful tips and techniques that will enable you to increase your personal power and combat stress.

What is Stress?

Stress can be described as the emotion we experience when we feel we don't have the resources to cope with what is expected or required. Stress can be experienced either through perceived extreme boredom or when under perceived extreme pressure. Everyone's stress toleration level is individual and unique, it's all about their perception of reality and how they feel they can cope with any given situation.

I have mentioned the word 'perception' a few times. Let me explain what makes this word so important when understanding personal stress levels.

Imagine you have 2 friends that are about to board a flight for the holiday of a lifetime.

Friend number 1 jumps aboard all smiles and giggles, boarding pass in hand. They can't wait to get this party started. Friend 2 on the other hand is shaking with fear and can't wait to grab hold of the nearest sick bag. What's the critical difference here? Both are boarding the same plane and going on the same journey aren't they? So what makes this experience stressful for one friend and not the other? The answer is perception. Through the eyes of one fun filled passenger this journey is the start of an exciting holiday. For the other, this is a life threatening situation, their head is filled with questions such as, 'How can this hunk of metal hang in the air for 9 hours without crashing, surely it's not possible?'

People deal with situations and events, based on their own perception of reality. This doesn't make one person's response to a situation better than the other. What it does show us is that we are all perfectly unique, not only in our appearance, but also in our responses and attitudes to life, and its challenges.

We all have our own perceptions of what we can and cannot cope with. When we feel we cannot cope we will experience stress in our own way.

Life can move at such a fast pace that you may forget to pay attention to your physical and emotional responses to life's challenges. This means that you may be experiencing the symptoms of stress and be totally unaware of this reality. It pays to be aware of your personal stress symptoms. In order to build the defences to combat stress you first need to recognise the symptoms.

Here are some common stress symptoms:

Physical Symptoms

Lower backache, too much or too little sleep, digestive problems, low sex drive, chest pain, headaches, weight gain or weight loss, feeling constantly tired

Emotional Symptoms

Mood swings, irritability, inability to concentrate, snappiness, periods of anger, failure to see the lighter side of life, low self esteem, feeling everyone wants you to fail, feeling alone and unsupported

Behavioural Symptoms

Loss of interest in personal appearance, over or under eating, forgetfulness, decrease in personal performance, slow to make decisions, reclusive behaviour, too much exercise, too little exercise

Common Causes of Stress

Everyone will have their own list of situations or events that will cause them stress. Here are some of the most common causes.

• Death of a loved one
• Separation or divorce
• Moving
• Losing your home
• Losing your job
• Changing jobs
• Retiring
• Inflexible partners
• Change in lifestyle
• Money worries
• Lack of time
• Feeling that no one understands you

Remember, everyone is different; one person can be experiencing stress symptoms because they're stuck in a traffic jam and late for work. Someone else will be cool as a cucumber in this situation, but will blow a gasket because the neighbours dog has been barking for three hours. The key to stress management is being able to recognise your own stressors and stress symptoms and then taking action to combat and reduce your stress levels.

Here are some effective ways to manage your stress levels.

Balancing Work and Home

Draw a pie chart of your own life, choosing appropriate categories, e.g.:

• work
• chores
• eating
• hobbies
• friends
• family
• studying
• traveling/commuting

Is work the largest slice, around which you structure things?
Are you happy with this?
Are you allowing time for the things that are important to you?
Are you expecting all your needs to be met by just one aspect of life?
Do you need to change the size of some of the slices?
Would you like to take up a different sized slice in the future?
Can you take steps to move towards it?

Draw another pie chart, dividing the time as you would like it to be.

• What are the differences?
• What are you going to do about it?

Useful ideas

Ask yourself:

• What are my stresses?
• What needs to be done about them?
• What is stopping me from doing it?

Other useful strategies:

• Avoid the need to please by rewarding yourself'“ start thinking of yourself in terms of success rather than failure. Be more realistic in your self-expectations.
• Humour: Stand back and see the funny side of things. Choose to laugh instead of e.g. get angry.
• Learn to delegate more.
• Plan and organise your time realistically. Know where it goes. Ask: were the activities necessary? Did they take too much time in relation to the outcome?
• Let go of the unimportant things: e.g. leave the dusting or car cleaning for one day and read a book instead.
• Be patient with yourself.
• Give yourself permission to develop your other interests.
  Prioritise your tasks.
• Manage details'“ diarise them, write them down then forget them.
• Commit yourself to exercise'“ of any sort for 3 hours each week.
• Commit yourself to relaxation'“ 15-20 minutes a day.
• Stop over-identifying with any one or all of your roles in life'“ ask yourself: 'who am I?' as many times in a row as you can then check to see if any one role dominates the list of answers too much. Redress the balance by widening your interests.
• Regularly use visualisation to'˜attack' or'˜diminish' your stress. Close your eyes'“ see it as it is, then see it getting smaller and less significant until it vanishes altogether. See yourself feeling calm and relaxed in a pleasant place. Decide how you'd like to react then see yourself doing it successfully.
• Stimulate your creativity'“ take up painting, music, sketching, design, sewing etc.
• Make dates with those you love with and stick to them'“ even if it's just to talk about the day without doing something else at the same time.
• Talk things over with a confidante/best friend.
• Give yourself permission to experience emotions'“ to be angry, afraid, joyful etc. If necessary let go in private'“ have a good shout, cry, temper tantrum, skip around the room. If you feel self-conscious banish the internal disapproving parent that is making you feel like that. Tears help you release emotions and the tension they cause. They help you to get to the bottom of your real feelings and to acknowledge them.
• Practice assertiveness.
• Allow yourself to take risks.
• Focus on the relevant work not the'˜busy work'.
• Learn to live with trial and error.
• Don't try to be'˜one of the boys'. Develop your own style of living and let it evolve as you gain experience.
• Make decisions about your life and career'“ have some definite goals'“ don't allow yourself to just be buffeted whichever way the wind blows.
• Build flexibility into your schedule. Allow time for the unexpected.
• Make appointments with yourself'“ time to take a long, hot bubble bath, to listen to your favourite music, to sit in the garden, to do something you really enjoy doing'“ and keep them.
• Get to know yourself'“ keep lists of things that you find stressful and things that you find relaxing.
• Spend time with your friends.
• Practice relaxing breathing.
• Don't be afraid to go for expert help when things are getting on top of you.

Practice positive thinking: ask yourself:

• What am I frightened of?
• What is the worst thing that could happen and how would I cope?
• What is fear of the future doing to my present?
• Treat yourself to massage, aromatherapy, acupuncture, reflexology, hypnotherapy.

The Stress Test (Click here)

Finally take our stress test and see if you need to do something about your personal stress levels.

If you would like more help to build your own personal defences against stress and reduce your own stress levels, please call Zoe Cooper on 01202 252287 0r 07793 084623. Alternatively you can send an email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Special thanks to Hemsley Fraser Training for sharing some of their powerful stress management techniques.